Pampering Children is Not Loving Them
The journey story of Prophet Khidir and Musa is contained in Surah Al-Kahf verses 60-82. On their last journey, they arrived in a certain area and knocked on every door to get drinks and food. However, not a single house was willing to open the door. Although, the society seems perfect, they are selfish, individualistic and materialistic. The sense of empathy and social responsibility has been lost.
They continued their journey, passed a house with fragile wall, even almost collapsed. Prophet Khidir repaired the wall by raising it, despite the fact that he was hungry. Seeing that, Prophet Musa said "If you wish, you can take wages for that (building the wall)". The occurance, unfortunately, became the end of their journey.
Before separating, Prophet Khidir explained the meaning of his action. The house repaired, belonged to two orphans. There was a hidden treasure prepared by Allah SWT under the house. It needed to be rebuilded so that the children were safe until they grew adult and took out the property thus they would live better and advantage from their wealth.
It is interesting to question, "Why does Allah SWT prepare much wealth for the children? Verses of Quran said, because their parents were pious. In addition, another history told the piety is already the seventh generation. Based on the narrative, parents have huge impact toward their children. If they hope their children to be success and convenience, they have to start improving themselves in worship. Another history about role model of parenting is shown in the story of the mother of the Prophet Musa As.
Shortly after drowning Prophet Musa in the Nile River, his mother ordered her daughter to follow his trace. It is a trust from her mother, allowing her to use any method, therefore she showed creativity to solve her problem. The history has inspired parents dan teenagers today related to pampering.
In some cases, indulgence is not a mere parental royalty, accomodating children with everything they want. Notwithstanding, limiting their space to move, make decision, and even to make mistakes also includes spoiling. In adolescence, children have to learn making mistakes to develop their creativity and empathy. The role of parents as guide and supporter is immensely considered at this time.
In the same storyline, when Prophet Musa drowned in the Nile River, his mother felt deep sadness. However, Allah SWT blesses with strength and fortitude so that she could stand the difficulties until Allah SWT reunited them as wet nurses. This attitude certainly became an example for her daughter, the way she dealt with sorrow by surrendering to Allah SWT, let her to be stronger and understand that sadness and obstacles were part of the phases of life. The key is how to stay believing and surrendering to Allah SWT.
Indeed, indulging and loving children are similar, howbeit, they have different implications. The first is not an expression of affection, but plunging children. There are, at least, three indicators to alarm when we overindulge our children. Firstly, it can be seen whether they show less gratitude and empathy or not. Secondly, see how children survive . Thirdly, observe how their creativity and problem solving develop.
Quoting Umar bin Khattab's words, "I leave my pleasure for the afterlife". It is natural for parents to leave them solve their problems and avoid too much help. Let them sad, hesitant, and fail, as their potential and creativity would emerge when they experience those unwanted incidents.
Adapted from parenting studies by: Ustad Mohammad Yahya, Ph. D - (Expert Council of Thursina IIBS)