"Rahmah" is the Key to Happiness in Family
The feeling of love is an attribute of the Creator and a nature sticked in all creatures, including humans. Love sometimes begins with admiration for beauty and advantages, and is often based on the perceived benefits and kindness.
It is a love arising on the basis of inner attachment without terms and conditions, and this is what is called mercy. People who are rich and strong, loving and caring for the weak, not for taking advantages or benefits. It is also reflected in Allah's love for His servants, not depend on anything, nor even rely on the servant's faith and obedience.
Sometimes we are surprised by the love of an elderly husband and wife, or the love of parents for their baby who looks fussy and gives them a lot of trouble, even when the child has grown up, that feeling doesn't disappear, even though sometimes their children are unable to realize their wish.
This is, according to the philosopher, what is called unconditional love or mercy. As Muslims, we know the concept of Islamic message, rahmatun lil 'aalamiin, Islam is not only intended for certain groups and tribes, or groups of people with certain personalities and beliefs. It means an embodiment of love for all people without any distinction of religious, ethnic or national background.
Every human being, including family members, is a unique creature. The essence of a human does not lie in what is visible from physical appearance, attitudes and actions. People with a noble character, cannot always maintain their goodness, and conversely, those who are awful, will not regularly do terrible things in every action and deed.
Allah has told many examples in the journey of the prophets' preaching to reflect and use them as ibrah and wisdom to implement in our personal, family and social lives. The main lesson is mercy leading one to spread goodness and hoping for kindness to come even from the most evil doer.
If a husband does not have a merciful spirit towards his wife, his attitude and love will definitely change when he finds her attitude and behavior out of his expectancy. Likewise, children will be disappointed with their parents if their hopes for them do not come true. In the end, family life will never be peaceful and joyful if disappointment frequently encloses the feelings of each family members, or in an interactions with whoever and whenever they are.
Rahmah is what makes parents not only give attention, appreciation and beautiful words when the child achieves something they are proud of and behaves according their hopes, even when the child makes a mistake, the attitude of mercy will lead parents to encourage, forgive, pray and guide. This is what will persistenly maintain harmonious relationships in the family under any circumstances and prevent hatred, revenge and enmity.
Allah says in Surah Fusshilat verse 34 and al Isra' verse 53 which means:
"Reject (evil) with a better attitude, suddenly the person who is hostile to you becomes your most loyal friend."
"Say, O Muhammad, to my servants to speak better words, in fact, the devil is creating hatred among you through the words spoken."
The command to say and behave kindly in the two verses above is not intended for people we love for their goodness and achievements, but is intended for enemies whose attitudes and actions we hate. Brotherhood and affection are the main foundations for Muslims to correct mistakes and move towards a nobler self-quality and attitude, instead of responding with hatred, hostility and violence, which will only harm us and our gentleness.
An Arab poet said, which means: "A person is rude to another person to stop him from mistakes. Whoever has mercy and compassion, let him sometimes be firm with the people he loves."
A vast difference between assertiveness based on mercy or hatred is that a person with mercy will be firm only when he finds a mistake, but he will appreciate for the slightest good deed while hoping he will do better in the future.
Meanwhile, assertiveness based on revenge and hatred will cause a person to feel dislike and resentment even though the previous mistaken person does right or even do nothing wrong.
For this reason, the nature of mercy or unconditional love must underlie relationships among family members and individual relationships in a wider scope. Just as the sustainability, balance and virtue of nature are maintained on the basis of mercy and blessing of Allah as the ruler of the universe. Likewise, the continuity and harmony of the marriage ship would lead to a joyous shore when based on mercy rooted in the heart of each.
Oleh: Mustafid Ma’arif Lc. M. Pd.